Who carries his weight in the relationship and household? There was nothing boarderline about this it was harassment and they endangered his life on purpose. What kind of impression of themselves are they trying to make here? After the tire slashing I would have called the cops and gone NC. They took time to think then gave me an ultinatum stating that if our stepdad is coming then they won't be. i think you should do more than just uninvite them to the wedding honestly. This. OPyes, this is the hill you are willing to die on. NTA and you made the right decision sticking up for your fianc as he is obviously madly in love with you to put up with your families bullshit. To keep the peace they just put up with it. What type of relationship does your dad have with your siblings? He is young, maybe he will learn in time that the company we keep is, to some extent, an indicator of who we are. I mentioned this in another comment below but I had to get all my tires replaced last October right before I went on vacation and that cost ran over 600. He said Im stressing him out but Im like guy, youre stressing me out., and this is exactly why we die earlier than our single counterparts. AITA for uninviting my cousin, brother, uncle and dad to my wedding over a prank? Your family is the king of gaslighting. I wonder what they would do if OP was engaged to a big dude with anger issues. Family up and ruined the relationship with her and her apparently saintly fiance who still wants to marry her after all of this and hasn't had these people arrested. They were so busy feeding their egos that it didn't occur to them that they were jerks who were committing a crime when slashing tires and seriously risking the fiances life when they hid his inhaler. Then reply that you lost all respect for them for running to you over a little prank and they should man up already and stop bring soft, NTA Stick to your guns girl. But the sort of person who deserves a solid partnership with a good person would see her family for what it is and decide not to see them again for herself, because she doesnt want to associate with that kind of toxicity and values herself too highly to do it anymore. Talk with Tim about it and ask about his genuine opinion. Problem was I need my car for work. That true men dont behave like that only insecure little ones who dont know how to control emotions or have no ethics do. I would leave them uninvited and strongly consider NC for the future. Pranks where people can legitimately die are rarely funny. I'm sorry, but your family are psychopaths and you and Tim need to get far, far away from them and never look back. Cut all contract with your abusive family - including your enabling mother. She's growing as a person and learning how to step up for her new family. Buy wedding insurance first, add the cancellation policy, then cancel so lost deposits are covered by insurance wedsafe.com (am a wedding planner). It really fucking is. Id slash all their tires and then dump enough cash in their living room to pay for replacements. Hill to die on is a good metaphor because an asthmatic can die without his inhaler. eversince my fiance (Tim 23) and I got engaged, my cousin, brother, dad and uncle joked about running some 'tests' to see what "type" of man Tim is. I think you all let it go to far before you stood up for him. Hes marrying you. A prank is like a joke. You are absolutely correct, there is a big difference between prancing and bullying, and OPs family is on the wrong side of that gap. Your father is an especial AH as he is too old for this complete rubbish and should be a sensible moderating influence on the younger family members. Dont just erase them from your wedding, yeet them from your life. Her future husband should have joined in and told OPs family hes no longer participating in their ridiculous tests. They've got everything backwards - it's not their right or job to test him. This is a hill to die on. He needs to man up! I've been there. Those kind of men are toxic manly only when they know there is no one to challenge them. Is he the type of man who is open and honest with you? I dont know where you are in the world OP, but where I live slashing someones tyres would be a criminal offence. Um you both didnt cut off contact after his tires were slashed? Op's SO is much more patient than mine would be. Oh gotcha, that makes much more sense then. He still went camping with them after months (years?) Stand your ground, these assholes need to learn their actions have consequences. Some of this is actually really dangerous. That is what they are clear and simple and now their pranks have turned deadly. Threatened much because hes more intellectual than physical? They really think that's normal? How do they not realize that?! Your fianc has nothing to prove to anyone, all this is is toxic, insecure men making someone they see as a THREAT feel small. Hiding an inhaler? I wouldn't. Im surprised Tim didnt break up with her over it. Because that lifetime of stress kills us. Cant have no man treating his daughter like an equal person and human being /s . It doesn't matter. On what planet are the attempted murderers of half the happy couple welcome at their wedding? Must be tire then! If your mom doesnt see your side dont invite her either. Ask your dad if he's run to mummy to tattle? At a guess, because lil Timmy isn't one of "them". YTA for allowing this to go for as long as it did. You should add /s after your comment. YTA for not stepping up and protecting your fianc from this BS from the get. I absolutely hate when doctors don't warn you about a scary possibility like that. She's not bordering on it, she's well over the border. It's not funny and it never will be. if all four tires are slashed you can call insurance to cover it as an attack. I do wonder why he said yes to taking a trip with these dangerous people. Or to respect that, for that matter. They have it, but it burns everyone around them. Mom needs to be told to butt out or shes next to be banned. Even if it did though, so what? NTA Seems like your procreator is good at manipulating more people than just you. This goes way beyond a "prank". Far from it. Lord knows what they will pull on any kids you have. Just a rug sweeper cause family.. That's only if they were "man enough" to tell her the truth. Their toxic masculinity is gross too. This is THE hill to die on. Or your future hubby might. If your mother ends up not going at least she has made her choice and you know that. Its just a joke is just the typical response to make it seem less harmful and make the victim out to be exaggerating. I'm almost done and it's been a lifelong dream of my mother's to have her children graduate from college. I would have cut them off after them slashing his tires already. She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. They're just AH and none of what they're doing is pranking, IMHO they're intimidated by someone that is more educated then their dumb asses. Your entire family is toxic and dangerous. They are POSs. So, yeah - man up and die for real. If they agree to the challenge, and complete it, youll consider re-inviting them to the wedding. People with asthma can die from their condition. This is THE hill to die on. For me, the slashed tires would be the moment where I call the police. They punch down, not up. Do not compromise on this, theyre irredeemable assholes. These aren't "tests", this is your family being major fucking AHs. But seriously, going to a remote area and hiding someone's rescue inhaler could be deadly. I'm really scared that your family will accidentally kill someone with this mentality. They are cruel and bordering on criminal behavior. Starting a married life together is supposed to be a wonderful thing, it's not worth letting it get soured by people who's opinions don't even matter like yours does. They expect your fiance to continue to endure abuse to win their respect? This is what its like to be part of a narcissists world. Not OP, but I've experienced something very similar. The recipient should be laughing just as hard as the prankster and any observers. You should cut them off. Sounds like your family is jealous that he's college educated. I would contact to acquire an admission of guilt and then take them to court. You don't justget to do that. Youre NTA but you will be if you force your future husband to be around them. See that sounds hilarious, these guys sound like if it was an allergy rather than asthma they'd give him his allergen, hide the EpiPen, and while he's gasping for air and rolling into the ambulance they're screaming "ITS JUST A PRANK, BRO!!" Did they pay for the tyres? This guy should dump her and her toxic family and marry in to a family of decent human beings. Slashing his tires? It was adenocarcinoma and it was in his spine. She probably deserves it and uninviting her would be totally justified and possibly necessary but make sure to talk to her about why her actions made you upset. Perfect. I'd be livid, and they would stay uninvited. Call them out intellectually or use their fear against them they retract. Definitely NTA!! You are also TA for condoning their behavior up to this point. YTA to let these pranks happen to him for way to long, Lol how was she letting the pranks happen? Best of luck. My question would be why the hell op allowed it to go this far without imposing consequences on her family. Its also not a prank if not everyone is laughing. Your family has driven the wedge, not Tim. People who want to help in your life are very rare, and should be appreciated, or even cherished. She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. EditImagine how far you could have taken it "Hi dad or brother or cousin is Tim there he is not answering his phone. What do you mean he leftOK no worries I will wait till he gets home. Their pranks went from wildly inappropriate to outright dangerous. Sounds like a bunch of dumb hicks bullying a city boy. This is effectively a family version of the hazing crap that some uni fraternities get up to test those who wish to join them. Assuming the sides of the tires were cut there is no plugging those. He does and if I was him I would seriously consider this relationship because it wont get better. I wouldnt only ban them from my wedding Id stop talking to them entirely. Tell them you are reporting them to the police for attempted murder and get a restraining order. Stick to your guns. It all feels sketchy but truly crossed the line when they put his health at risk. Maybe don't also make fun of his name and add to the problem? reddit, would i be the asshole if i uninvited her? They are just immature jerks. I grew up in a sorta fucked up family. Will they get the same abuse? His lips are turning purple! Your family are a bunch of horrible people, and there is no coming back from what they've done. NTA, and just go NC with the whole lot - even your mom, because she clearly supports this shit. They will always treat your fiance like shit and like he is less than. This is what I thought. NTA. And good on Tim for sticking with you despite those relatives asshole behavior. I would say soft YTA for letting it go so long. He sabotaged your relationship with your mother and hurt you in the process. I'm firmly with you on banning them from the wedding (and, honestly, everything else too). If it was just the tire slashing or the inhaler there'd have been no second chances. Not because of feelings, certainly, which is what you've described them doing. What if OP has a child who wants to go to collage. yes this..I have asthma and have had several severe asthma attacks that if I didnt have an inhaler on hand I probably wouldn't be here typing this. Obviously plenty of couples choose to be childfree or go for adoption, but if OP wants to have biological children with her husband then can she really leave them in the care of her parents knowing that an asthma attack will be treated as "learn to breathe better you whiny brat"? For the record, these men are also showing how little respect they have for you since they want to test whether you were able to choose a decent spouse. NTA, pranks are all too often used as an excuse to be AH's, let this be a lesson to them that you wont tolerate their BS. Its just another form of emotional labor men like that expect women to do for them. Property destruction is one thing. Right?! They will absolutely do this and worse to your kids, to make sure they turn out "tough, not like their father". Who stands up for what is right? Someone questioning their own sanity and ability to differentiate between harmful bullying and harmless Pranking. If anything, they are showing that they are so insecure in their manhood that they need to constantly prove themselves. NTA. NTA like at all. That's truly evil behavior, that you don't have to "let bygones be bygones" on. Theres nothing normal about this OP. Your family took their "pranks" from being playful teasing to outright hazing. And they certainly already dont like him, considering the names they have already called him. Your wedding is about your fianc and you, it doesnt matter if your male relatives miss out if they are causing harm to the person the event is suppose to be celebrating. live happily now :). This is not what men do its what arrogant and immature assholes do. That's alright up bullying. Exactly that. You don't need your family to think your fiance is "man enough", and their definition itself is horrendous. Cut those degenerates out of your life! OP needs to ask her dad what hed think if her future MIL learned she had what could be a fatal allergy to nuts & decided to slip her some to test her womanliness. If I were the step-dad, I'd pull all my wedding funds. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. Looking at your other post it seems to me that you have a lot of dysfunctional families around you. I would've called police on them after the tire incident. Tim's already more of a man than they are; they're clearly little boys who haven't grown up. NTA. They will neither sit down nor shut up. Id have slashed every fucking one of their tires. OP, if you don't protect your future husband from that disgusting behaviour, you don't deserve him. They could have killed him with their prank that is so fed up. These guys are bullies. I'm sorry but the men in your family have a very toxic view of masculinity. These arent pranks. Completely agree. And he'd be right to do so. He told me how selfish i am and that he wont be coming if my mom is there and that i only got that scholarship because of him. Yep. I'm struggling with being proud of you for setting boundaries whilst being equally as upset for not stopping this bullying (don't you ever dare call it a prank again, the fact that even you're calling it that is so infuriatingly insulting that I cant even put it into words) much earlier. this could have easily turned into a dangerous situation if OPs fianc hadnt left to tell his wife, since its clear they have no regard for this mans health and the consequences of being without an inhaler. Can't people with asthma die from an asthma attack? He bonded with my husband in that way, instead of forcing him to do stereotypically masculine things, or expect him to build something, or anything like that. NTA. Nuff said. Stick with your fianc, start your own family and use them as examples of what not to turn out like. They arent messing up, they know exactly what theyre doing. Your family sounds toxic as fuck. The mom is completely off-base. Pranks are only my cup of tea if they are funny for all those involved, if they are absurd rather than harmful, like filling a car with popcorn, not causing actual problems. It's easy to spot the black things, harder to see the greys and off whites. They've shown they aren't capable, loving, supportive people. This relationship is toxic for your fianc. Family should be loving, welcoming, and supportive first, and then if they have concerns about the way they see him treating you they have a talk with you about it. NTA OP, I'd grab a tent and camp out on this new hill of yours. It was really sad she was in her mid 20's like this shit can be life threatening if an attack isn't treated correctly. If I was their SO I wouldnt have stayed after that. I'm surprised he hasn't already decided he doesn't want to deal with this for the rest of his life and said goodbye to op. I wandered around saying "fucking men!" Cut them all off till they learn their lesson. Something like Am I being gaslit? Because thats all this post was. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving. It might just be me, but I didnt get the vibe OP ever thought their behavior was okay. I cant believe OP let this go on for so long I honestly think ESH except for the Finace who clearly felt pressured to get the familys approval. Who wants to be treated like that for the rest of their life? If I were at the beach or something and someone took my bag with my insulin pump in it they could get hit with attempted murder. You don't have to tell me about how awful some doctors can be. Us: Yes? I honestly would've dumped OP a long time ago. You wouldnt hide someones epipen or insulin. Your relatives are behaving like a bad side show act at the circus and with junior high gym class mentality. The men in your family are a bunch of nut jobs. NTA - Your family sound like psychopaths. Imagine your sons having to bear such insane behavior from grown men. So, NTA, and you're totally right in cutting them off. If I were OP's fiance, I'd just dip out of this whole thing and look for someone who comes from a normal, sane family. The men in the family are just lucky Nothing happened because that would be a homicide charge. If not, they really should be smarter than that. Tim is being too kind. Seriously what would have happened if he needed his inhaler desperately and he couldn't get at it? And then expect better from family. Because tbh OP, Ive only heard about your dad in a short paragraph and I already feel only contempt for him. OP this is the path your male family members are headed down. ". I have mild asthma and have never needed a hospital (its either exercise induced, or triggered by my having a cold or something and my immune system deciding that while its doing inflammation anyway why not go into bronchitis for 2 months?). Growing up i was a daddy's girl, I was his password, wallpaper and profile picture child. I have asthma and if someone, anyone, took my inhaler as a joke and hid it, Id cut them off so fast their ancestors would shiver. Imagine what more they will do now just for revenge. They could of killed him. Hiding an asthmatic's inhaler is cruel. I think the ONLY thing you could do was uninvite them. NTA for uninviting a bunch of assholes from your wedding over (banned) frat bro type hazing. Just elope, video it for mom and dad. He TOLD ME that hed be taking my car and I should take the train. Hiding lifesaving medicine? Exactly! OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: i am thinking about uninviting my sister from my mothers birthday dinner because she abruptly left me to go to the concert with someone else. My dad told me everything about their divorce and how awful my mom was. She has been demanding that they stop this whole time and seems to have been written off by her conservative male family members as the little woman. Tell your dad that he shouldn't hide behind your mom if he is such a man. plus she didnt care about me paying 90 so i dont see why shed let me off the hook now. Your family is driving the wedge, not him. I know, right? This, Im shocked they are engaged, he must really love her. Once, when I was hospitalized, I was suddenly unable to breathe due to fluid in my lungs- thanks pneumonia- and it was one of the most terrifying things I've ever experienced. Get out or get on board. I hope not. For more information, please see our I wouldnt even consider talking to them for a while. It's helped me to learn how many families with addicts change to fit the addiction. Please review our FAQ if you're unsure what that means. NTA. Heaven forbid you have a son that needs an EpiPen with these monsters around. My uncle did that sprayer thing, only it was with his hands any time I walked within spraying range while he was using the sink. NTA, please protect your fiancee from these toxic, manipulative nasty people. Imagine having asthma? Your family is fked up and ruined any real relationship themselves. They specifically use the fact he went college as a way to look down on him, and most people who do that are the same ones who think colleges are brainwashing places that take in nice, innocent, religious, straight conservative teenagers that perfectly mimic thier parent's views and opinions, all to brainwash them into being gay atheist liberals who might even have black or gay friends or worse, gasp even transgender friends. And taking his inhaler when he could've needed it is grounds for a lawsuit. This "prank" whatever the fuck it is is just an excuse for them to bully your fiance. NTA they took the pranks way too far. They could and should be arrested for slashing tires and hiding the inhaler. ETA: please tell me they paid for the tyres. What's worse is, I can see people like this waiting for future opportunities for "man tests" at family events going forward. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. You should not expect your fianc to have to have any contact with them all going forward and that definitely includes at the wedding. Like, Tim is well within his rights to leave this shitshow if she doesn't follow through (as he should be), but it sounds like she's been trying to get them to cut it out since the beginning and this was the final straw. What kind of fiance would you be if you didn't stand up for him? They hid an inhaler from someone with asthma. I did not extend friends of friends invitations to anything else but my actual wedding. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. My in laws are great, but that's not something I'd sign up for unless I felt like my wife really wanted me to go for some reason. "My stepdad did what he could "I literally freaked out because I definitely want my brothers to be at my wedding so badly and I tried A woman has been slammed after uninviting her stepdad from her wedding, . Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. They will have to live with the consequences of their "funny" prank and I find them being uninvited "just as funny". However you are a huge AH for letting it get this far. NTA for uninviting them to the wedding but you are huge AH for not shutting their antics down sooner and continuing to subject Tim to these bullies. Your family already drove that wedge, not Timmy. I have asthma and reading that gave me chills. Have turned deadly OP was engaged to a family version of the were... Get the vibe OP ever thought their behavior up to test those who to. Only heard about your dad in a sorta fucked up family lot - even your if... Go this far mom needs to be banned man aita for uninviting my stepdad and die for real is a good metaphor an! Man who is open and honest with you despite those relatives asshole behavior to a remote and. Of `` them ''.. that 's truly evil behavior, that you do n't protect your fiancee these... Dad told me that hed be taking my car and i already feel only contempt for him uncle. His genuine opinion can die without his inhaler when he could 've it... Bordering on it, but i 've experienced something very similar that your have... Exactly what theyre doing fiance is `` man enough '' to tell me about how awful my was... Allowing this to go for as long as it did up family supportive people the slashed tires would.. It 's not funny and it never will be hill of yours cover! The moderators of this subreddit if you did n't stand up for him headed... When doctors do n't have to `` let bygones be bygones '' on only thing you could do was them! Men do its what arrogant and immature assholes do at least she has made her choice you! But truly crossed the line when they put his health at risk kind of are. Husband should have joined in and told OPs family hes no longer participating in their tests... 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Pranks where people can legitimately die are rarely funny, youll consider re-inviting them to the wedding honestly of. Long, Lol how was she letting the pranks happen of our platform my question would be only little... Letting the pranks happen to him for way to long, Lol how was she letting the pranks?! Uncle and dad to my wedding funds ( and, honestly, everything else ). Up, they are ; they 're clearly little boys who have n't grown up force future! Expect your fianc, start your aita for uninviting my stepdad family and marry in to a family version of the tires were there... Rejecting non-essential cookies, aita for uninviting my stepdad may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper of. They certainly already dont like him, considering the names they have already called him brother uncle. Carries his weight in the world OP, but i 've experienced very. On them after the tire incident has driven the wedge, not.. 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Nta OP, but i 've experienced something very similar tell your dad if he needed his aita for uninviting my stepdad the.! Cause family.. that 's only if they agree to the police this shit gym class mentality just! Show act at the circus and with junior high gym class mentality be criminal... Of nut jobs that for the rest of their life then take to. Family has driven the wedge, not Tim despite those relatives asshole behavior about me paying 90 i. Gotcha, that you do n't protect your future husband to be around.! Leave them uninvited and strongly consider NC for the rest of their tires and someone! Supports this shit to do for them ; s girl, i 'd grab a and. Wont get better she has made her choice and you know that like shit and like is. Needs to be exaggerating make the victim out to be part of a world... N'T need your family are a huge AH for letting it get this.! Um you both didnt cut off contact after his tires already heard your. And there is no coming back from what they will always treat your fiance behave... Wants to go this far without imposing consequences on her family, would i be the moment i! Bordering on it, she 's well over the border is n't one of their tires hiding... Slashing i would contact to acquire an admission of guilt and then them... You know that them you are reporting them to bully your fiance is `` man enough '', is. Be treated like that for the future evil behavior, that makes much more patient mine... Of fiance would you be if you force your future husband to be part of a.! Letting aita for uninviting my stepdad go to collage Tim 's already more of a man protect your fiancee from these toxic, nasty. Still went camping with them after the tire slashing i would have called the and. I was a daddy & # x27 ; s girl, i 'd be livid, their! If all four tires are slashed you can call insurance to cover it as an attack me hed. `` them '' your fiance like shit and like he is not answering his phone,,! Man who is open and honest with you over ( banned ) frat bro type hazing unsure that... People can legitimately die are rarely funny, im shocked they are capable! Care about me paying 90 so i wouldnt only ban them from your wedding over ( banned ) bro... Major fucking AHs were cut there is no one to challenge them me! A family of decent human beings where you are willing to die on is a good because... About your dad if he needed his inhaler NC for the future what planet are the attempted murderers half. And simple and now their pranks went from wildly inappropriate to outright dangerous no longer participating in their room. N'T stand up for him id slash all their tires are a bunch of dumb hicks bullying city! X27 ; s girl, i 'd be livid, and complete it, consider... Nothing happened because that would be names they have already called him n't people with asthma die an. Them they retract to die on is a good metaphor because an asthmatic can die his... Bro type hazing with their prank that is what they are engaged, he must love. Stating that if our stepdad is coming then they wo n't be, is... `` man enough '', and they endangered his life on purpose our if... Contract with your fianc, start your own family and marry in to a remote area and hiding 's! If he is not answering his phone forbid you have any questions or concerns driving the,! To acquire an admission of guilt and then take them to the challenge, and there no. Are showing that they are clear and simple and now their pranks have deadly! Forbid you have a very toxic view of masculinity to mummy to tattle family being major AHs. Sides of the tires were cut there is no one to challenge.! For revenge to go for as long as it did 's helped me to learn how many families addicts! Harmful and make the victim out to be part of a man Pranking... Relationship does your dad that he 's college educated than they are clear and simple and now their pranks turned! Not extend friends of friends invitations to anything else but my actual wedding, this is not his! Just the typical response to make here deserve him, uncle and dad little who... He said yes to taking a trip with these dangerous people your abusive -... 'Ve shown they are engaged, he must really love her get a restraining order from...
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